I was disturbed and was trying to fetch some sleep which was hidden in my inner thoughts; there were lot of barriers and baffles through which it had to pass. These baffles were self-created by one-self adjustment towards the nature and the prevailing atmosphere.
It was left to me; as such I was the lone decider to all those happiness and sorrows in my life. Either I had an option to move on or to build a retaining wall of all those sorrows. This eventually would break one day and would rush out as tears, which were again unstoppable, which could make my heart filled with burdens, and causing me break into pieces.
Ultimately I was the victim and I was the only one who could solve all those entire problems prevailing, which were either a mirage of oneself or was the mirage of all those outrageous moments which I had seen in others life.
I don’t know why, these days I was getting softer and weaker even when the happiest moments which were being shared with the utmost people in my life. Was it the inferiority complex which had developed within oneself or was it the shield of fear to face this unfaithful world or was it the fear to face off the success and failures in life.
In no means I was getting clear on my thoughts, I was getting more vulnerable and weathered with every thought sinking in, wounding like spiders web, wherein I was the prey for the same. There was no means to get entangled or to come out of the same.
I was wondering the face off which every human being had, every time I had to wear different mask to settle down the present issues. Sometimes as a friend, as a family member or as a colleague or anything else which came in. Every time I was different and every time it was hard to evaluate and to know that what was the purpose behind the same.
In fact by now there is no realization of this virtual world. What was the eagerness waiting in my heart, what was the burden which was about to explode. My pondering about was nuisance, as such it was wondering about imaginary non existing things.
As such I had to move on, as everyone had. There was no means of sitting and wailing on the things which had caused or were going to cause in future. I had to be mean, I had to be practical enough, and in fact I had to accept the things the way they were dropping in.
It was the smile on one’s face, which was necessary and its survival at every juncture of life was vital. No matter how much my heart would wobble from within. It would leave an impression on others mind that the smiling face would never fade and always would lit up everyone’s mood.
I was made to question myself, every time whether my process of evaluating things was absurd or was having any meaning in it and every time at the end of the day would come up to know that, I am a species made with thinking ability and I had to let my thought process flow in. This eventually one day, would be helpful either to me or to the outer world. Which one day would create a buzz about the bizarre going on.
By now I had come to know the baffles created within. Understanding them and nurturing them in a right way was essential. These were the things which would have existed even if we had not gone through it. It was important to create a secrete door within. Every door making its own way connecting and bridging the gap within and would let my thoughts to flow in and eventually would let me sleep in peace.